Things I want from romantic love.
It is safe to learn, trust, know and then ask for what you want. In fact, it's imperative.
Every so often, I write ‘I want’ lists in my journal. A stream of bullet-pointed consciousness, perhaps about a specific thing, often not.
I like recording lists of wants. Even as I typed that last sentence, I wanted to write, “I like recording indulgent lists of wants.” The idea that wants are an indulgent and optional extra, sits so naturally in my mind that I can easily forget that it’s societal conditioning in its sneakiest and most successful form.
I like to remind myself that it’s okay to want things.
I like to remind myself that this life comprises more than just the essentials.
I like to remind myself of who I am (right now), by noting what I want.
I like to remind myself that it is possible to want things, just because I want them, and without annexing a “valid” reason onto them.
I write about the things I want (and don’t want) to remind myself of who I am. And that I know who I am.
Sometimes I probe and tease to see if there’s something deeper at the root. At others, I just said what I said.
Below, I've typed up some words written on a sheet of paper torn out of a notebook, that has sat on my desk for some months. I wasn’t sure I’d ever share them, but I’d like to remind myself that I know what I want and how I want to feel when it comes to romantic love. And maybe remind you too that it’s okay to want what you want.
I want to be chosen. And to choose you.
I don’t want to be a consolation prize. Or an “it’s about time.”
I don’t want to be anyone’s “well, we’re not getting any younger.”
I don’t want to be the person you settle for, rather the one you choose to settle down with. (Though to be honest, I’m still trying to be okay with the word ‘settle,’ full stop. There’s something about how I perceive it that has always felt so half-hearted and fatigued).
I have no interest in being someone’s ball and chain. I will be the anchor that grounds you, not the one who restricts you.
I am not ‘her indoors.’
I am not someone to be ‘made an honest woman of.’ Certainly not when I am becoming my own wildest dreams manifest every day.
I have travelled a long road to come home to myself and I’ve arrived.
I want reciprocal energy, honesty and excitement.
I want someone to figure things out with.
I want clear communication and intention that is matched with action.
I want ‘us,’ ‘we’ and ‘ours.’
I want lips on mine that feel divine.
It felt good to revisit those words.
Aware this isn’t a one-way thing, I guess the next question I’ll ask myself is for all that I want, what am I willing to do, to give, to be. But that’s for another day. For today, it is okay… in fact, it’s more than okay. It is a powerful and not done often enough exercise, to hear myself say, “I want, I want, I want.”
The voice of our wants shouldn’t be so alien and often unheard. So I turn the question over to you: what do you want?
As ever, I love this. It's funny that I should (finally) read this today ... This morning I was doing abit of reading for my massage work, about an injury. I realised that I didn't want to read about it (I have because it's for my friend's amazing, injured daughter). Or rather there was no oomph inside. In the past this has suggested to me that something is totally wrong for/with me (including wondering if massage really is for me). But the nuance is finally creeping in and now I realise it is telling me what I DO want in my work. And bugger me if it's not the stuff I have spent years trying to 'take a course' myself out of!! Hearing those wants is vital isn't it. They can get drowned out. As you say, made to feel like an indulgence. When in actual fact, they are our lifeblood. Love to you sweetheart x
This is beautiful and I love the idea of creating a want list. Thank you for also reminding me it's okay to want things that aren't just essential.
I've been saying the next time love comes around, I want that person to complement my life, not to change it or myself. I don't want to mold myself to fit someone else.